Twilight 16. CARLISLE

16. CARLISLEHe guide me stomach to the direction that hed pointed out as Carlisles office. He paused out stead the entre for an instant.Come in, Carlisles illustration invited.Edward opened the door to a high-ceilinged way of life with tall, west-facing windows. The walls were paneled again, in a darker wood where they were visible. Most of the wall pose was taken up by towering bookshelves that reached high above my honcho and held to a greater extent(prenominal) books than Id ever shoot the breezen outside a library.Carlisle sat behind a huge mahogany desk in a leather chair. He was provided placing a bookmark in the pages of the thick volume he held. The room was how Id constantly imagined a college deans would look only Carlisle looked in any case young to find out the part.What can I do for you? he asked us pleasantly, rising from his seat.I destinyed to show Bella more or less of our history, Edward state. Well, your history, actually.We didnt mean to distu rb you, I apologized. non at all. Where are you going to start?The Waggoner, Edward replied, placing one hand mildly on my shoulder and spinning me around to look spinal column toward the door wed just surveil through. E rattling quantify he touched(p) me, in even the most casual way, my heart had an audible reaction. It was more uneasy with Carlisle there.The wall we faced now was different from the others. Instead of bookshelves, this wall was move with framed pictures of all sizes, some in vibrant colors, others plodding monochromes. I searched for some logic, some binding motif the collection had in common, precisely I strand no cut backg in my hasty examination.Edward pulled me toward the far left over(p) side, standing me in front of a small square oil color painting in a plain wooden frame. This one did non stand out among the bigger and b dearer pieces painted in varying tones of sepia, it picture a miniature city honorable of steeply slanted roofs, with thin spires atop a few scattered towers. A wide river make full the foreground, crossed by a bridge cover with structures that looked handle fine cathedrals.London in the sixteen-fifties, Edward said.The London of my youth, Carlisle added, from a few feet behind us. I flinched I hadnt heard him approach. Edward squeezed my hand.Will you key the story? Edward asked. I twist a little to see Carlisles reaction.He met my gaze and smiled. I would, he replied. solely Im actually running a bit late. The infirmary called this break of day Dr. Snow is taking a sick day. Besides, you eff the stories as soundly as I do, he added, grinning at Edward now.It was a rum combination to absorb the ein truthday concerns of the town doctor stuck in the mall of a discussion of his early days in seventeenth-century London.It was also unsettling to know that he spoke aloud only for my benefit.After some other strong smile for me, Carlisle left the room.I stared at the little picture of Carlisles hometown for a long moment.What happened and so? I finally asked, staring up at Edward, who was watching me. When he realized what had happened to him?He glanced back to the paintings, and I looked to see which image caught his interest now. It was a larger landscape in dull fall colors an empty, shadowed meadow in a forest, with a craggy peak in the distance.When he knew what he had become, Edward said quietly, he rebelled against it. He tried to destroy himself. precisely thats not easily done.How? I didnt mean to say it aloud, moreover the word broke through my shock.He jumped from great heights, Edward told me, his voice impassive. He tried to drown himself in the sea scarce he was young to the new life, and very strong. It is amazing that he was able to resist feeding while he was becalm so new. The instinct is more powerful then, it takes over everything. But he was so repelled by himself that he had the position to canvass to kill himself with starvation.Is that poss ible? My voice was faint.No, there are very few ways we can be killed.I opened my mouth to ask, but he spoke in the beginning I could.So he grew very hungry, and eventually weak. He strayed as far as he could from the hu adult male populace, recognizing that his leadpower was weakening, too. For months he wandered by night, seeking the loneliest places, loathing himself.One night, a herd of deer passed his concealing place. He was so wild with thirst that he attacked without a thought. His strength returned and he realized there was an alternative to being the vile fiend he feared. Had he not eaten venison in his former life? oer the next months his new philosophy was born. He could exist without being a demon. He found himself again.He began to make better use of his time. Hed always been intelligent, eager to learn. Now he had unlimited time before him. He examine by night, planned by day. He swam to France and -He swam to France? pack swim the Channel all the time, Bella, he reminded me patiently.Thats true, I guess. It just sounded jocund in that place setting. Go on.Swimming is easy for us -Everything is easy for you, I griped.He waited, his facial gesture amused.I wont interrupt again, I promise.He chuckled darkly, and accurate his sentence. Because, technically, we dont neediness to breathe.You -No, no, you promised. He laughed, putting his cold finger lightly to my lips. Do you sine qua non to hear the story or not?You cant spring something homogeneous that on me, and then expect me not to say anything, I mumbled against his finger.He lifted his hand, moving it to rest against my neck. The speed of my heart reacted to that, but I persisted.You dont have to breathe? I demanded.No, its not necessary. Just a habit. He shrugged.How long can you go without breathing?Indefinitely, I suppose I dont know. It gets a bit uncomfortable being without a sense of smell.A bit uncomfortable, I echoed.I wasnt nonrecreational attention to my own expression, but something in it made him grow somber. His hand dropped to his side and he stood very dummy up, his eyes intent on my face. The silence lengthened. His features were immobile as stone.What is it? I whispered, touching his frozen face.His face s frequentlyed under my hand, and he sighed. I keep waiting for it to happen.For what to happen?I know that at some point, something I tell you or something you see is going to be too such(prenominal). And then youll run international from me, screaming as you go. He smiled half(prenominal) a smile, but his eyes were serious. I wont stopyou. I want this to happen, because I want you to be safe. And yet, I want to be with you. The twain desires are impossible to reconcile He trailed off, staring at my face. Waiting.Im not running anywhere, I promised.Well see, he said, smiling again.I frowned at him. So, go on Carlisle was swimming to France.He paused, getting back into his story. Reflexively, his eyes flickered to another picture the most colorful of them all, the most ornately framed, and the largest it was twice as wide as the door it hung next to. The canvas overflowed with hopeful figures in swirling robes, writhing around long pillars and off marbled balconies. I couldnt tell if it represented Greek mythology, or if the characters floating in the clouds above were meant to be biblical.Carlisle swam to France, and continued on through Europe, to the universities there. By night he studied music, science, medicine and found his calling, his penance, in that, in saving human lives. His expression became awed, almost reverent. I cant adequately describe the struggle it took Carlisle two centuries of torturing effort to perfect his self-control. Now he is all but repellent to the scent of human blood, and he is able to do the work he loves without agony. He finds a great deal of peace there, at the hospital Edward stared off into space for a long moment. Suddenly he seemed to retrieve his purpose. He tappe d his finger against the huge painting in front of us.He was studying in Italy when he discover the others there. They were much more cultivated and educated than the wraiths of the London sewers.He touched a comparatively quieten quartet of figures painted on the highest balcony, looking down calmly on the mayhem below them. I examined the grouping carefully and realized, with a galvanize laugh, that I recognized the golden-haired man.Solimena was greatly inspired by Carlisles friends. He often painted them as gods, Edward chuckled. Aro, Marcus, Caius, he said, indicating the other three, two black-haired, one snowy-white. dark patrons of the arts.What happened to them? I wondered aloud, my fingertip hovering a centimeter from the figures on the canvas.Theyre still there. He shrugged. As they have been for who knows how many millennia. Carlisle stayed with them only for a short time, just a few decades. He greatly admired their civility, their refinement, but they persisted in seek to cure his aversion to his natural food source, as they called it. They tried to hold him, and he tried to persuade them, to no avail. At that point, Carlisle decided to return the New World. He dreamed of finding others like himself. He was very lonely, you see.He didnt find anyone for a long time. But, as monsters became the stuff of king tales, he found he could interact with unsuspecting humans as if he were one of them. He began practicing medicine. But the companionship he desired evaded him he couldnt risk familiarity.When the influenza epidemic hit, he was working nights in a hospital in Chicago. Hed been turning over an idea in his mind for several years, and he had almost decided to act since he couldnt find a companion, he would create one. He wasnt absolutely authoritative how his own transformation had occurred, so he was hesitant. And he was loath to dislocate anyones life the way his had been stolen. It was in that frame of mind that he found me. There w as no hope for me I was left in a ward with the dying. He had nursed my parents, and knew I was alone. He decided to tryHis voice, nearly a whisper now, trailed off. He stared unseeingly through the west windows. I wondered which images filled his mind now, Carlisles memories or his own. I waited quietly.When he turned back to me, a gentle angels smile lit his expression.And so weve come full circle, he concluded.Have you always stayed with Carlisle, then? I wondered.Almost always. He put his hand lightly on my waist and pulled me with him as he walked through the door. I stared back at the wall of pictures, wondering if I would ever get to hear the other stories.Edward didnt say any more as we walked down the hall, so I asked, Almost?He sighed, be reluctant to answer. Well, I had a typical bout of rebellious adolescence slightly ten years after I was born created, whatever you want to call it. I wasnt sold on his life of abstinence, and I resented him for keep back my appetite. So I went off on my own for a time. authentically? I was intrigued, rather than frightened, as I perhaps should have been.He could tell. I vaguely realized that we were headed up the next flight of stairs, but I wasnt paying much attention to my surroundings.That doesnt repulse you?No. wherefore not?I guess it sounds reasonable.He barked a laugh, more obstreperously than before. We were at the top of the stairs now, in another paneled hallway.From the time of my new birth, he murmured, I had the advantage of knowing what everyone around me was thinking, both(prenominal) human and non-human alike. Thats why it took me ten years to defy Carlisle I could demand his perfect sincerity, understand exactly why he lived the way he did.It took me only a few years to return to Carlisle and recommit to his vision. I thought I would be exempt from the depression that accompanies a conscience. Because I knew the thoughts of my prey, I could pass over the innocent and pursue only the evil. I f I followed a murderer down a dark alley where he stalked a young girl if I saved her, then surely I wasnt so terrible.I shivered, imagining only too understandably what he described the alley at night, the frightened girl, the dark man behind her. And Edward, Edward as he hunted, terrible and glorious as a young god, unstoppable. Would she have been grateful, that girl, or more frightened than before?But as time went on, I began to see the monster in my eyes. I couldnt escape the debt of so much human life taken, no numerate how justified. And I went back to Carlisle and Esme. They welcomed me back like the prodigal. It was more than I deserved.Wed come to a stop in front of the last door in the hall.My room, he informed me, opening it and pulling me through.His room faced south, with a wall-sized window like the great room below. The whole back side of the house must be glass. His view looked down on the weave Sol Duc River, across the untouched forest to the Olympic Mountain range. The mountains were much closer than I would have believed.The western wall was completely covered with shelf after shelf of CDs. His room was better stocked than a music store. In the corner was a sophisticated-looking sound system, the kind I was afraid to touch because Id be sure to break something. There was no bed, only a wide and inviting black leather sofa. The floor was covered with a thick goldencarpet, and the walls were hung with heavy fabric in a slightly darker shade.Good acoustics? I guessed.He chuckled and nodded.He picked up a remote and turned the stereo on. It was quiet, but the soft jazz snatch sounded like the band was in the room with us. I went to look at his mind-boggling music collection.How do you have these organized? I asked, otiose to find any rhyme or reason to the titles.He wasnt paying attention.Ummm, by year, and then by personal preference within that frame, he said absently.I turned, and he was looking at me with a leftover expression in h is eyes.What?I was prepared to feel relieved. Having you know or so everything, not needing to keep secrets from you. But I didnt expect to feel more than that. I like it. It makes me happy. He shrugged, smiling slightly.Im glad, I said, smiling back. Id apprehensive that he might regret telling me these things. It was good to know that wasnt the case.But then, as his eyes dissected my expression, his smile faded and his forehead creased.Youre still waiting for the running and the screaming, arent you? I guessed.A faint smile touched his lips, and he nodded.I hate to burst your bubble, but youre really not as alarming as you think you are. I dont find you scary at all, actually, I lied casually.He stopped, raising his eyebrows in clamorous disbelief. Then he flashed a wide, wicked smile.You really shouldnt have said that, he chuckled.He growled, a low sound in the back of his throat his lips curled back over his perfect teeth. His body shifted suddenly, half-crouched, tense lik e a lion about to pounce.I backed away from him, glaring.You wouldnt.I didnt see him leap at me it was much too fast. I only found myself suddenly airborne, and then we crashed onto the sofa, knocking it into the wall. All the while, his arm formed an iron cage of protection around me I was barely jostled. But I still was gasping as I tried to right myself.He wasnt having that. He curled me into a ball against his chest, holding me more securely than iron chains. I glared at him in alarm, but he seemed well in control, his jaw relaxed as he grinned, his eyes bright only with humor.You were saying? he growled come acrossfully.That you are a very, very grand monster, I said, my sarcasm marred a bit by my dyspnoeic voice.Much better, he approved.Um. I struggled. Can I get up now?He just laughed.Can we come in? a soft voice sounded from the hall.I struggled to free myself, but Edward merely readjusted me so that I was somewhat more conventionally seated on his lap. I could see it was Alice, then, and Jasper behind her in the doorway. My cheeks burned, but Edward seemed at ease.Go ahead. Edward was still chuckling quietly.Alice seemed to find nothing unusual in our embrace she walked almost danced, her movements were so graceful to the center of the room, where she folded herself sinuously onto the floor. Jasper, however, paused at the door, his expression a trifle shocked. He stared at Edwards face, and I wondered if he was tasting the atmosphere with his unusual sensitivity.It sounded like you were having Bella for lunch, and we came to see if you would share, Alice announced.I stiffened for an instant, until I realized Edward was grinning whether at her comment or my response, I couldnt tell.Sorry, I dont believe I have profuse to spare, he replied, his arms holding me recklessly close.Actually, Jasper said, smiling despite himself as he walked into the room, Alice says theres going to be a real storm tonight, and Emmett wants to play ball. Are you gam e?The words were all common enough, but the context confused me. I gathered that Alice was a bit more accepted than the weatherman, though.Edwards eyes lit up, but he hesitated.Of course you should bring Bella, Alice chirped. I thought I saw Jasper throw a quick glance at her.Do you want to go? Edward asked me, excited, his expression vivid.Sure. I couldnt bilk such a face. Um, where are we going?We have to wait for ululate to play ball youll see why, he promised.Will I need an umbrella?They all three laughed aloud.Will she? Jasper asked Alice.No. She was positive. The storm will hit over town. It should be dry enough in the clearing.Good, then. The passion in Jaspers voice was catching, naturally. I found myself eager, rather than scared stiff.Lets go see if Carlisle will come. Alice bounded up and to the door in a fashion that would break any ballerinas heart.Like you dont know, Jasper teased, and they were swiftly on their way. Jasper managed to inconspicuously close the doo r behind them.What will we be playing? I demanded.You will be watching, Edward clarified. We will be playing baseball.I turn over my eyes. Vampires like baseball?Its the American pastime, he said with mock solemnity.